The Myth Of Rapport: Does The Tail Wag The Dog?

Dear Persuasion Master In Training,

Sometimes, I want to kick NLP students and trainers in the ass so hard, when they smile people will see the toe of my steel-tipped boot coming out of their mouths.

A great example is the emphasis on rapport, rapport, rapport as something you absolutely must get.

tail-wags-dog

This leads to all sorts of emphasis on matching, mirroring, learning to observe the tiniest skin color change in the upper left corner of their upper eye-lid and other tail-wag-the-dog nonsense.

Well, as far as I can see…

Rapport Is Not Only The Tail Wagging The Dog, It’s The Cup
Trying To Pour Itself Into The Water

Am I saying rapport is totally useless?

Am I saying that getting rapport isn’t something you need to aim at?

Of course not.

What I AM saying is that rapport is only a tool to generate something much more important: responsiveness.

When I am persuading, I am looking for, aiming at, and dare I say, creating a RESPONSE FRAME, not a frame of rapport.

For sure, rapport is ONE way to get there.

But believe me, it’s not the only way.

It’s not even the best way.

And many times it’s not even required.

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Tell me what you think.

RJ