The Myth Of Rapport: Does The Tail Wag The Dog?

The Myth Of Rapport: Does The Tail Wag The Dog?

Dear Persuasion Master In Training,

Sometimes, I want to kick NLP students and trainers in the ass so hard, when they smile people will see the toe of my steel-tipped boot coming out of their mouths.

A great example is the emphasis on rapport, rapport, rapport as something you absolutely must get.


This leads to all sorts of emphasis on matching, mirroring, learning to observe the tiniest skin color change in the upper left corner of their upper eye-lid and other tail-wag-the-dog nonsense.

Well, as far as I can see…

Rapport Is Not Only The Tail Wagging The Dog, It’s The Cup
Trying To Pour Itself Into The Water

Am I saying rapport is totally useless?

Am I saying that getting rapport isn’t something you need to aim at?

Of course not.

What I AM saying is that rapport is only a tool to generate something much more important: responsiveness.

When I am persuading, I am looking for, aiming at, and dare I say, creating a RESPONSE FRAME, not a frame of rapport.

For sure, rapport is ONE way to get there.

But believe me, it’s not the only way.

It’s not even the best way.

And many times it’s not even required.

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Tell me what you think.



How To Stop Being A Persuasion Pussy

How To Stop Being A Persuasion Pussy

persuasion-pussyDear Persuasion Master In Training,

There’s a big, key difference that separates the men from the girly-men when it comes to being a master persuader.

It’s not about being slick.

(Actually, the perception that you are being “slick” is not far from the perception that you are being “slippery”. And that will kill a sale/turn off an audience and just about every other bad outcome you can imagine).

It’s not about being eloquent.

It’s not about aiming at getting rapport.

(Whenever I hear some jack-ass NLP’er bleat on about “rapport”, I reach for my Smith and Wesson .45)

And while being entertaining is and can be quite useful, it’s not about telling humorous stories or being funny.

The big difference is….

Master Persuaders Communicate With An Outcome In Mind, And That Outcome Is To Get People To Take The Actions They Want Them To Take

What this means is that you are not just talking to be flapping your lips.  Your every word must, on some level, be moving the person closer and closer to taking the actions you want, and ideally, making them think it is their idea.

So how do you rate yourself on the persuasion pussy scale?

(  ) I’m a manly persuasion man. I know my outcome, in advance.

(  ) I’m going through persuasion puberty. But I’m getting there.

(  ) I’m going to try out my newest type of tampon; I want people to like me more than I get want to get my outcome.

Tell me what you think,


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